Pardon my tardiness, but life was happening while I was trying to write this introduction. I trust that all my readers have been well, and I eagerly await all your feedback with this first entry. Time will tell. Here it goes, reader:
Recently, a friend of mine has ordered me to be more open about myself, and my life. At first, I found this to be very direct and puzzling, as I feel that I put it out there daily, if you get my meaning, and for those that are interested, I am not that hard to figure out. I mulled it around in my head for a few days, and to be quite honest,I think that he is quite correct in this case. I must remember to thank him and direct him to this post.
Ever since I came to Baltimore, I have felt that I have had to guard myself, sometimes lie, to protect myself as well as my privacy and private time, which I guard very jealously. Everyone seems to be "stacked" on top of each other; Baltimore is a small town in disguise. I like Baltimore, make no mistake, but it has its quirks. So, there is your answer my friend as to why I do what I do. Now do you get it? People have a way of thinking that they have rights to you, to your time, uninvited, and that has never been lost on me. Living in Baltimore, I know that other Baltimoreans can relate to that observation.
That quiet time to which I refer is what I call my "God" time, for if I didn't label it as such, a lot of people just wouldn't get it. I use it to connect wit that creative force within myself, to conjure up music and words, colors and images, and to piece them together in some sort of congruent fashion. This force within me really does work in mysterious ways. Being a creative person, I need that time to learn, connect, exercise, and come to terms with this creative force inside me. This has always been a rather complicated relationship.
I moved from Annapolis to Baltimore in August of 2005. I ended an 8-year relationship, which had simply become a habit,and I need to end that addiction in order to move on and grow. When that time presented itself,I was afraid, but the better part of me told me that it was only stage fright and the future is wide open, and better things are out there and all you have to do is let them in. I am glad that I listened to that voice. He was telling the truth; I have learned and done so much since then,that I don't even recognize that person any longer, and feel as though I have fully realized a sort of maturity because of that experience. We truly live and learn. I am loving life currently, and there are many possibilities still left to exploit.
Currently, I am pursuing a master's in Business from the University of Baltimore, and loving it. This pursuit feels quite good; to be finally focusing on finishing up this degree program, and figuring out its logical application in the world. I have worked for the Feds and the state in past incarnations; perhaps the Feds will get a call from me again, when they drop this ridiculous hiring freeze. Time will tell. The state will never hear from me again. Once is quite enough.
Leaving that industry forced me to take a very hard look at what I was doing with my life, and what was getting me out of bed in the mornings. At first, my answer was nothing but the money. That had to change to something more gratifying emotionally. I had been studying yoga for 5 years previously, and there was no mistaking that this was my passion. Yoga was the gift that pushed me through my separation/divorce, that kept me grounded every morning when I really wanted to just roll over and die, that gave me love, no matter what, and would always be there. Yes, you are perhaps my greatest love so far, and you are certainly a lover that is faithful to a fault. Your fairness and equality is never lost on me; what I get is in direct correlation with what I give to you. No deviation from that rule; but sometimes I wish it would, LOL. Anyway, when I left Annapolis and moved to Baltimore, I decided to pursue yoga and to teach it, and some very interesting things happened which have impacted my life greatly. I founded a men's group, and saw that change and grow and mature and change greatly, and my private practice grew and did the same. Somewhere along that path, I found that I was having fun again, and connecting to this whole enterprise in a way that was very fulfilling and rewarding. Being my own boss was, and is a great experience, and I love the responsibility of it. Everything rests on my shoulders; all the rewards and all the losses as well. I am one of those guys that love a challenge, and so the game was on! To be honest, just feeling an enthusiasm for something again was keeping me alive.
More on my next post.
